thought that almost nothing left
The feeling is so vague, confusing, and it’s killing. Have you ever thought of being on the top of your own world but it’s gloomy, dark, and feels like you’re getting crazy? In every little aspects of one’s life, there will always be this ecstatic sense of having the world getting into your own world. Nice. Isn’t it? But have you ever thought that when worlds will collide and you do not know to what to do because you haven’t yet foreseen what is going to happen, that might be the end of two worlds.
i once had everything. Everything in the secular world for me means, All good things. Material, good friends, loved ones, most especially yourself. But never did I know that one day, that every single thing which i believe makes my “Everything” would be dragged out of my nerves one by one without any pause.
i am a born-again christian. i grew up in a God-centered family. Having a very independent, regal mum; a very sweet and loving dad; brothers who first ever taught me to be strong not just because i am their princess but because i am their sister; and a very sassy sissy who made me realize that jealousy can only ruin relationships.
yaya, for taking care of me even when i know she needs to take care of herself too; a driver that i always run away from because i don’t want my escapade to be limited. friends from school - paid or unpaid.
crazy huh?! not so into the very details of what my life was but surely in short that The Parents really provided well. Even more than anyone could ask for.
i must admit, i am 20-something now but i couldn’t find out what God wants me to be. trying to know what it is, i searched, i read, i meditate, i pray, i sing, and even cry just to know what is really happening to me. But then God revealed me other things instead. The kind which your humbleness, love, meekness, and patience will be activated first.
i am having a hard time coping up what to feel of what is just needed not of what that is really wanted. God showed me love and in His humble way. Even when i thought that there is nothing left, He’s always there to remind me that i am a Christian, His daughter, His beloved. That no matter what circumstances are there and whatever there is that i will feel, He always makes sure that He will never be late because He is just right there for me. Always.
